Just Leave It

Sep 2, 2015 by

“No matter how good of a woman you are, you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready.”

– Unknown


          “I don’t think he’s read it,” I insisted last winter for the countless time.

          “He’s read it,” my best friend affirmed. “You really think that a guy you have history with isn’t going to creep your blog to see if you’ve written about him?”

          “I don’t creep him,” I argued.

          “Other people aren’t like you, Maria,” she brushed off my approach to social media. “Other people are curious.”

          “I’m not important enough for him to be curious about,” I explained, hating this topic.

          “Oh my God!” she laughed in disbelief of my disbelief.

          “He can’t have read it,” I persisted.

          “Why not?” she pressed.

          “Because if he’s read it, he’d know how cool I am, and he has no idea how cool I am. To him, it’s like I’m not even a person; I’m a play thing.”

          “Oh, I see what this is,” she smirked in understanding, like she had cracked some sort of puzzle. “You think that if he’s read your blog and still isn’t interested, then it’s you he doesn’t want. Maria,” she sighed, “if he’s not looking to date, it doesn’t matter how cool you are.”

          There it was: reason. Reason I still hadn’t fully grasped. I guess I believed all that bullshit you hear about how people will bend their perspective on dating for the right person; and because this guy would disappear at the mere mention of the word date, I wasn’t the right person. Looking back now, now that I’m emotionally detached from the situation, I don’t take it so personally. I don’t think I was the reason nothing became of he and I. I don’t think he was the reason either. I think it was timing. I think the people we end up in relationships with is largely a reflection of two people wanting the same thing at the same time, and all the reciprocal attraction in the world isn’t grounds for dating when dating isn’t mutually desired. It doesn’t mean two people aren’t right for each other. It means they don’t fulfill each other’s current needs. He and I wanted different things. Neither of us was willing to bend for the other, and rightfully so. We were both entitled to what we wanted. Thus, on the flip side to a good woman not being good enough for a man who isn’t ready, a good man isn’t good enough for a woman who isn’t ready. Readiness is subjective to what each person is ready for. He and I weren’t ready for each other. He was not prepared to date and I was not prepared to jump back into bed without a commitment.

          That’s not to say he and I went without trying. Our periodic check-ins (because I was as guilty as popping in and out as he was) were obviously intended to see if the other had changed his or her mind since last contact. Our random attempts to sway each other definitely prevented me from letting him go earlier, leaving me with a valuable lesson: don’t pursue someone who isn’t ready for what you’re ready for. Doing so is futile and leads to a lot of pain.

          But thanks to that experience with that guy, I’m much better at relinquishing hope when I notice that someone I’m attracted to isn’t interested in what I’m interested in. I now know to discontinue effort prior to the point of emotional investment in favour of finding someone who is ready for what I’m ready for, and is thereby happy. By my relationship standards, individual happiness is imperative to readiness, and readiness is non-negotiable.

Happiness Tip: Don’t pursue someone who isn’t ready for what you’re ready for.

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