The End Does Not Make it a Waste

Jul 11, 2015 by

          I have an annoyingly persistent belief that I’ll never have a boyfriend. I’ll boast that I’m girlfriend material, because I am. I’d make an awesome girlfriend. Sometimes, though, I’m concerned that I’ll never get the chance to prove it. Backing me up on that are the 25 years of singleness I have under my belt. I know being single my entire life has led me to beautiful things I might not have experienced or learned otherwise, but can a boyfriend just fall into my lap already? Literally? After over a quarter-century without a significant other, I have the independence thing down. I think I’m good to go for a relationship now.

          But I haven’t been good to go.

          Not until recently.

          I thought I was, because I’ve wanted and wanted and wanted a relationship, but what I really wanted was someone specific, someone I specifically couldn’t have. Of course I knew this. I knew it, and I hated it. What kind of crap is that, not getting the person you want and then consequently being too disappointed to bring yourself to want anyone else? Sounds like a waste, right?

          No.

          Wrong.

          He was not a waste.

          A relationship (a term that I use to mean any dynamic between two people, not necessarily a committed, romantic relationship, because that’s certainly not what it was) is not defined by its outcome. The end of something does not make what it was a waste. I strongly disagree when I hear people define ex-whatevers – ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, ex-friends-with-benefits – as wasted time simply because they’re no longer current. They weren’t always exes. At one time, they were significant. They may still be significant based on what you learned from them.

          I’ve noted and appreciated the entire way along that he taught me a lot. All the crying in the world wouldn’t make me regret him. Aside from the obvious of helping me solidify my expectations of a future boyfriend (which, as per the list I stumbled upon on Monday that I forgot I made after I last contacted him, include: takes initiative; texts back; makes me feel excited; is spontaneous, straightforward, reliable, and interested in what I have to say; and can cultivate a relationship in which we don’t have to overthink) and the unforeseen lessons my experience with him helped me learn about happiness, he will remain significant as the person who reminded me before I believed again for myself that I am beautiful and that wonderful things happen.

          Relationships that end aren’t wastes, friends. They’re just over.

 
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