Waiting is Messier

May 15, 2015 by

“Dating is messy. Accept it. You’re going to have to make out with bad kissers and get curved by total babes who you kind of want to marry on sight.”

Crissy Milazzo

 

          “I’m beginning to think he’s married,” a friend said to me back in February about some guy she was talking to online.

          “What makes you think that?” I asked curiously.

          “The randomness, the fact that he only calls me from his car –”

          “Oh, it would also explain why he didn’t have a profile picture,” I added. “But why married? Why not that he has a girlfriend?”

          “I don’t know,” she shrugged. “I figure he’d go big.”

          “Is that where we’re at now?” I laughed at the reality that is twenty-something dating. “We don’t just have to worry about guys having girlfriends; we have to worry that they have wives?”

 

***

 

          “I know I’m a catch,” I said for lack of a less cliché way to put it on Wednesday afternoon. “I write a blog, I take pole dancing –”

          “You’re beautiful!” my Financial Chick added.

          “Awwww!” I squealed as I blushed profusely. “Thank you.”

          Clearly, I’m still irritated that I was spoken to in such a demeaning way.

          “I’m not overreacting, am I?” I asked.

          “No,” she assured.

          “That was degrading, right?”

          “Yes,” she confirmed.

          Okay, so I’m not being ridiculous, I thought to myself.

          My Financial Chick went on to note that (and I’m paraphrasing here) just because he’s being a douchebag to me now doesn’t mean that he and I will never be on the same page. She emphasized that the two of us are young, and not in a condescending way, but rather to say that there’s a lot we’re still figuring out about our own lives. She said a few years could go by, and it could happen that he and I want the same thing at the same time.

          That would be a dangerous thing to suggest to a girl who’s already spent too much time waiting for a guy, if my Financial Chick didn’t follow it with the very important disclaimer: “But you can’t wait for him.”

          I was reminded of something one of my university roommates said to me sometime last year when I asked her if she thought I’d ever hear from him again: “I can’t say for sure, but I think you need to live as if you won’t.” I agreed but didn’t follow through. I happened to hear from him the very next day.

          Friends, dating is frustrating, but let me tell you what’s worse: waiting. At least if you’re going out on dates, even crappy dates, you’re actively trying. If you’re waiting, you’re putting yourself at the mercy of someone else’s timeline. Don’t do that. I need to stop doing that. I like the idea that he/anyone is not a now-or-never. It’s nice to be reminded that I can move on from him without shutting out all future potential. But I have to live like there isn’t future potential with him, because living like there is had me across the pond and in tears at the Eiffel Tower, and that was only the tip of the hurt.

Happiness Tip: Don’t wait.

 
Previous: Not Forever 21 Next: Paris Wasn’t Yesterday?
 

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