As per the Calendar

May 9, 2015 by

          This morning, while on a downtown patio before the start of this afternoon’s Jays game, my pole partner and I were talking about people that ditch their friends for their relationships.

          “I’d be happier with my girlfriends and no boyfriend than with a boyfriend and no girlfriends,” she said.

          Although being committed and being happy are not mutually exclusive, “I’d rather be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy,” I responded hypothetically. “I think the best relationships are made up of two independent people who are in it together but don’t need each other. Both people should have their own lives and their own friends.”

          She nodded in agreement.

          “I want a guy who is as happy on his own as I am,” I went on. “Someone who’s also very busy and has a lot of friends. I don’t want a guy that would drop everything for me, because I won’t drop everything for him. I’m not a girl that a guy can typically get last minute.”

          “Yeah, I need to know at least a week in advance,” she said, “because that’s when I’m booking my –”

          “– pole classes,” I finished her sentence with her, laughing.

          “That calendar,” I referred to my social calendar that she finds both funny and commendable, “is really important to me. Once someone is in it, they’re in it. I could have met somebody yesterday. If I made plans with that person, I won’t bump those plans for someone I’ve known forever. That’s how I know I wouldn’t drop my friends for a boyfriend; I don’t drop anyone for anyone. Not only would I not drop my friends for a guy, I wouldn’t drop a guy for my friends. Whoever I have plans with first gets priority, because I don’t want to make anyone in my life feel less important than anyone else.”

          “Do you think that way because you’ve dropped friends for a guy before?” she wondered.

          “No, I think that way because I used to cling to my best friend. I know what it’s like to revolve my life around one person, and it’s not happiness,” I explained. “I had no friends before The Happiness Experiment,” I reminded her. “I had to create my social life from scratch.”

          “That’s why you have so much appreciation for it: you created it,” she said in understanding. “You know what it’s like not to have it.”

          “Exactly. I also have the confidence of knowing that I created it,” I added.

          On that note, this one goes out to all of my friends, whether I’ve known you for a day or for years. Thank you for your presence, your encouragement, and your laughter. Speaking of laughter, to my pole partner, thank you for pronouncing almonds the way that you do. That will never stop being funny.

Happiness Tip: Your life as a whole is more important than any one person in it.

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