It is Not One or No One

May 6, 2015 by

“There are a lot of beautiful people in this world.”

Gino Supremo


          Since deciding to really try to move on, my mind has been ridding itself of ridiculous notions I’ve taken up in the process of falling for a guy hard. Before I continue, let me be first to say that I am not suddenly over him because I decided I want to be. I’m not going to give the false impression that I magically obliterated a guy from my mind as if by the flip of a switch. But what has changed is the way I think about him and how often. Now, back to those ridiculous notions, the most absurd of which was the idea that this guy was my guy. Clearly, my feelings had resulted in tunnel vision. I went from not believing in the concept of one specific person for everyone to acting like it was this guy or no guy for me. I perpetuated this absurdity by giving zero consideration to anyone else.

          However, probably due to my renewed focus on my life rather than his absence from it, I’ve been thinking about how I’ve met a lot of new people lately, namely my friends from pole that I didn’t know as recently as four months ago and my coworkers that I didn’t know as recently as two months ago. While appreciating how quickly so many new people have entered my life in such a short timespan, I’ve also been thinking about the evolution of relationships and social circles. Two years ago, I adopted the perspective that different people fulfill different roles at different stages in our lives. I came to terms with the reality that people come and go (and sometimes come back and sometimes don’t) by looking at it as the natural consequence of changing priorities, as opposed to taking it personally. This mentality made it easier to let people leave and others arrive. It made the end of significant relationships more understandable than sad. It made room for the thrill of surprise returns while simultaneously eliminating expectations of them.

          Given the repeated disappearances of a guy I wanted to stay, I lost some of this optimism with regard to the coming and going that people do. When someone you care for continuously pops in only to leave, that person’s returns become more frustrating than exciting, while his or her exits become more predictable but no less painful. Recently, though, I’ve gotten some of my optimism back. You see, that frustration is only there for as long as you choose to care. Once you stop concerning yourself with someone else’s break-in-and-exit strategy, you are less attentive to it, giving you more headspace to focus on those who are actually there or are on their way in and to remember that the coming and going of people throughout life is beneficial. It allows us to connect with different people at different points. It allows us more than one – more than one friend, more than one guy or girl, more than one person. It allows us faith in the absolute truth that there are a lot of beautiful people in this world.

Happiness Tip: Remember that we get more than one.

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