Is it cheating if . . . ?

Feb 27, 2015 by

          “Can I ask you girls a question?” a guy said as he approached my friend and I at a near-empty, on-resort club in Riviera Maya on Saturday night. (P.S. We were in Riviera Maya, not Cancun. Apparently, I’m so easy to convince on a plane that doing so doesn’t require me knowing exactly where I’m staying. #sayyes)

          “Sure,” I said.

          “If a girl has a boyfriend and kisses another guy, that’s cheating, right?”

          “Yes,” my friend and I agreed.

          “Is it cheating if she kisses a girl?”

          “Ooh,” we responded in unison.

          “That’s a really good question,” I laughed. “Is the guy’s girlfriend bi? If she’s bi, it’s definitely cheating.”

          “She’s not bi,” he clarified. “I don’t know what to tell him. They’re outside fighting about it right now.”

          “Wait, this is really happening?” I asked.

          “Yeah! I told him to go for it, but I’m a guy. I have a guy’s perspective, so I thought I’d get your perspectives,” he explained.

          “Go for what?” my friend and I asked in confusion.

          “His girlfriend kissing a girl,” he said. “But I don’t know,” he shrugged. “I’m a guy.”

          “So is your friend,” I pointed out.

          “True. So is it cheating?” he asked again.

          “I don’t think it is,” my friend answered.

          “I think it depends on the relationship,” I said. “Every relationship has different terms. If a guy is cool with his girlfriend kissing a girl, then it’s not cheating. If he’s not – and it sounds like your friend isn’t – then it is cheating.” I turned to my friend to ask, “If you had a boyfriend and he kissed a guy, would you care?”

          “No, I’d think it’s hot,” she said.

          “See? In her relationship, it wouldn’t be cheating,” I posed an example. “But, personally, if I had a boyfriend, I wouldn’t want his tongue in anyone’s mouth other than mine, regardless of gender. In my relationship, it would be cheating.”

          My friend and I hung out with this guy and one of his friends (not the one fighting with his girlfriend) throughout the weekend – all because we were asked our opinions on an unexpected topic. Not only did that get us all chatting in the first place, it allowed us to skip small talk straight to real conversation. We had each other’s views on fidelity with regard to same-sex kissing amongst people in heterosexual relationships down before each other’s names. Naturally, this only fueled more interesting conversation. As a strong believer in talking to strangers, I love such examples of how easily strangers can become friends.

          Hilariously, on the flight home from Mexico on Monday night, I came across this question in an issue of Cosmo: “I’m in a serious relationship with a guy, but I secretly want to make out with a girl – alone, not in a threesome with him – to see how I feel about it. How do I tell him this? Or should I just do it and report back?” A guy replied to this girl’s inquiry as follows: “I know the conventional wisdom is that dudes want women to make out with women, no matter what. But it’s still cheating if you hook up behind his back. It doesn’t matter if it’s a girl, guy, or a sex-bot from the future. If you want to open your relationship, talk to him first.” I laughed while taking a photo of this excerpt to send to the new friend I had met because of a very similar question.

Happiness Tip: Ask/answer unexpected questions.

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