So what’s next?

Aug 20, 2014 by

          I’m just going to say it: I could be happier. I’m undoubtedly happy, but I could be happier. I need to make a change. I just haven’t decided what form I want that change to take. After months of shoving the problem to the back of my mind, I’m admitting to myself that my day-to-day isn’t satisfying me anymore, by which I am specifically referring to the hours between 9 am and 5 pm, Monday to Friday. Yet, I haven’t taken serious action to address the issue – not because I’m avoiding what I’ve got to do, but because I don’t know what I’ve got to do. I don’t know what I want next, so I don’t know my desired course of action. I know I want out of my day-to-day as it is now, but I don’t know where I want to take my life from here.

          Since I got back from Italy, my desire to go to Europe – and I’m referring to the dream trip – has unexpectedly evaporated. There was no PVD (post-vacation depression) upon my return from Rome, like there was following my last two trips there in 2011 and 2012. Though I was happy to have gone this summer, I was also happy to come back, and I have no urge to cross that ocean again anytime soon. What the fuck, right?

          I’ve concluded that the difference between my other returns from Europe and this one is the difference between my happiness levels. I’m happy with my life now, whereas I certainly was not the last times I came back from Italy. This explains why I haven’t experienced a single bout of PVD since beginning The Happiness Experiment, regardless of the destination I’ve travelled to. I’m simply happy with the life I return to each time.

          While the absence of PVD is great, disinterest in the trip I’ve dreamed of since childhood is strange. It’s freaking me out a little bit by confusing my priorities (because if I don’t want Europe right now, but I also don’t want to reside in the corporate world 40 hours per week, what do I want?), but it provides further support that I’m exceptionally happy with my life (outside of my 9-to-5). When I chose to prioritize Europe, it was to be my escape. I had always framed it that way. I don’t need an escape anymore. I have a fabulous life and wonderful friends that I don’t want to leave in favour of the Eifel Tower just yet. Can we please take a moment to acknowledge that my biggest concern at present is that I’m too happy with my life at home to want to leave it for Europe? That’s a damn good life deal.

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