Faux Valentine’s Date

Feb 16, 2014 by

To my boy – space – friend, Thanks for fake dating me tonight! Here’s a little something in case you’re running low . . . P.S. Thank you for listening to my ongoing boy probs. I promise they annoy me more than they annoy you. Happy V-Day, friend! From, Your incredibly cool girl – space – friend

My adorable card read:
To my boy – space – friend,
          Thanks for fake dating me tonight!
          Here’s a little something in case you’re running low . . .
          P.S. Thank you for listening to my ongoing boy probs. I promise they annoy me more than they annoy you.
          Happy V-Day, friend!
Your incredibly cool girl – space – friend

          Honestly, I should have gotten more serious about dating earlier than I did to increase my chances of meeting my boyfriend-by-Valentine’s-Day deadline. I didn’t account for the fact that I’m highly selective when it comes to guys, so I’m not easily attracted to or smitten by them beyond friendship. Once I do find one whose personality and looks attract me, I take far longer than the average chick would to like him. If a guy has me waiting by my phone for his text, that is a huge accomplishment. Furthermore, I go through an unavoidable period of denial between developing an interest in a guy and actually admitting it to myself. Thus, when I began upping my dating game in December, I was well aware that I was already fucked. Me, find an attractive guy that I can like, deny that I like, acknowledge that I like, and commit to in only two months? Please join me in laughter. Thus, by mid-January, with a month to go to V-Day, I knew it was time to secure a friend for a fake Valentine’s date. I was prepared to be single; I was not going to be dateless. (I was also not going to go on a real date. Suggesting a Valentine’s date to a guy who isn’t a friend could send him all kinds of wrong signals. That guy that asked me to spend New Year’s Eve with him within less than a week of meeting me freaked me the fuck out. I was not going to be the bearer of such chills to some guy. Plus, my boyfriend pursuit is on pause. I’m not initiating shit. I’m basking in my boy break.) Ladies, this is what good guy friends are for!

          Last night, my friend picked me up for dinner in Little Italy before we headed to a club to conduct further research for his thesis. (We dressed more casually than before, because my dress and his collared shirt definitely prevented us from blending in last time. Ironically, last night’s venue was filled with suits and heels. We suck at dressing the part.) Because I am the cutest, I had to get him something for V-Day. A few months ago, he texted me to say that he had found a card I drew for him for his 18th birthday. It pictured a tub of Vaseline with 18 candles, reminding me of an inside joke from high school that I forgot we had, causing me to burst into laughter. Playing off that, I got him Vaseline for Valentine’s in case his supply was dwindling.

          “I actually am running low,” he responded, making me laugh hard enough to reactivate my cough. “Clearly, I’m not getting enough elsewhere.”

          “Oh, friend, I am in the same boat,” I assured him.

          “You use Vaseline too?” he excitedly asked.

          “No,” I snorted. “I was referring to the fact that I am also going through a definite dry spell.”

          In conversation about whether or not people can change, he one-upped my gift. Personally, I think people can change. He strongly disagrees. He commented that I am the same person I was in high school. I thought I was going to die. Who wants to hear that they are the same as they were in high school, especially when that person writes a blog that encourages others to choose to be the people they want to be? I do not choose to be high school me. Thankfully, he elaborated. He explained that I was outgoing in high school, but being depressed took me away for a few years. I’m social again, so he thinks who I am now is the real me. (Phew! He did not mean that I have not matured in the last six and a half years. Cue my ability to re-breathe.) I thanked him for saying this, but I don’t think I thanked him enough. I’ve thought more about it since. While I was depressed, I often contemplated whether or not people can change. At the time, I believed that they couldn’t. My support for this was that I was shy and reserved pre-high-school, and I had become fearful of people to a whole other degree by my late teens. I constantly worried that I would never be social again. I cried about this a lot, because I was convinced that that me, the depressed version, was the real me. To have someone who has known me for over eight years dispute the fear that once tortured me, confidently arguing that the present me I am proud to be is the real one, melted my heart more than a boyfriend bearing chocolates could have. I may not have had a boyfriend by Valentine’s, but I definitely had an awesome boy – space – friend to fill in for Prince Charming.

Happiness Tip: Single for Valentine’s? Fake date a single friend!

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