It is Crazy to Pretend Not to Be

Feb 15, 2014 by

          I spent Valentine’s Day at my friend’s house with two of our girlfriends, her boyfriend, and four of his buddies. The guys barbecued while the ladies relaxed, resulting in a steak sandwich in my mouth without having to lift a finger. That’s a good V-Day to me! Though I was without a boyfriend for Valentine’s Day, I certainly had no shortage of friends. If someone had told me a year ago that I’d be spending Valentine’s Day 2014 with eight people, none of whom were Olivia, I would have thought that person was on Molly. (I had to. These drug codes fucking kill me.)

          As per usual, I arrived late, prompting someone to ask, “What happened?”

          “Oh, nothing,” I shrugged. “I left at the time that I was supposed to be here.”

          My friend laughed, knowing that I am anything but punctual.

          “Plus, I had to get myself something for Valentine’s Day,” I continued.

          “Yeah, I saw your note to yourself on Facebook,” one of them said. “People must think you’re crazy. You know, if guys read your blog, they’d definitely think you’re crazy.”

          I smiled and replied, “Everyone’s crazy, girl. I just admit it.

          When I began The Happiness Experiment, I was intent on presenting myself genuinely. I used to display vastly different versions of myself to different people. It was tiring. I remember contemplating people’s multiple personalities, specifically the gap between the one that defines them when alone and the ones they display for others. I wanted all of mine to converge. I didn’t want to be a variable dependent on my surroundings anymore. I didn’t want to be someone different to everyone. Bluntly exposing myself through shameless honesty on my blog has allowed me to uncover myself. I was so many characters before that I lost track of which one was the real me. The Happiness Experiment helped me to chisel away the excess fear that was hiding my true form. Once I found my figure, I refused to conceal it for anyone. Suddenly, it seemed more insane to feign normality by hiding my quirks and imperfections than to just be. If being bold enough to be myself is crazy, I’d sure as hell rather be crazy than normal. Normal, given its necessary conformity, seems to be synonymous with fake, essentially making normality crazier than insanity. The moment you can truly stop caring about other people’s opinions is the moment that you are free to be yourself.

          FYI, friends: Guys do read my blog. They don’t always admit it, but they accidentally bait themselves out by commenting on things I haven’t told them but I’ve written about. Those guys that do own up to reading it have commended me for it, saying that it makes me cool, hot, and inspiring. Thus, it is clear that guys respect my straightforwardness, which brings me to something else that was said to me yesterday.

          A new friend of mine, who is currently reading my blog from beginning to date (melt my heart!), told me, “You’ve already put yourself out there – good or bad – so you can know that whoever you end up with is really going to love you.”

          I was unbelievably flattered. Furthermore, I was happy to internally acknowledge the truth in that statement. Unlike before The Happiness Experiment, people now know me as I am. I mask myself for no one, not even Prince Charming.

Happiness Tip: Be unapologetically yourself.

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