No Boyfriend by Valentine’s Day and Why That’s Okay

Feb 14, 2014 by

The V-Day that could have been: chocolate body paint

The V-Day that could have been: chocolate body paint

          Happy Valentine’s Day, friends! As you know, my boyfriend deadline has arrived. Let’s cut straight to it: I am still single – but fabulous nonetheless! When I made this goal, I discussed my high probability of failure; because, unlike previous goals I’ve set for myself, achieving this one did not depend on me alone. It depended on me finding someone I wanted to commit to, who reciprocated my interest. Who knew finding a guy I like would be such a challenge? (Me!)

          Regardless of the fact that I did not meet my goal, I want to emphasize that I have not failed. My mindset surrounding goals has changed since I set this one. I previously thought that not meeting a goal signified failure. I also used to be highly secretive about my goals. I didn’t want people to know what I was aspiring to, because I didn’t want anyone to witness my supposed failure if I didn’t reach it. That is a perfectionist’s attitude toward goal-setting that I’ve now disposed.

          Firstly, achieving or not achieving a goal should not be defined as success or failure respectively. While reaching a goal is an accomplishment, the path to that goal is far more important. That is where all the learning takes place. Thus, not reaching my goal – or, rather, not reaching it by my deadline – is not indicative of failure, because working toward it has taught me a lot about myself. Furthermore, though this goal has been frustrating at times, it’s also been fun to strive for. Let’s be honest; the stories that come out of bad dates are far funnier than those derived from good ones. Most importantly, having a deadline for my goal has forced me to actively date in pursuit of it. I’ve gone out with more guys since deciding that I want a boyfriend last summer than I have in my entire life prior (sad, given that the guys I’ve dated since the summer total to a single digit, but very true!). And, of course, once I’m ready to relinquish my pause on pursuing a boyfriend, my hilarious dating ventures shall return!

          Secondly, telling people about my goal has been nothing but helpful. It’s kept me accountable to dating, and enabled my friends to support me throughout the process. People are routing for me to have a boyfriend, increasing my motivation to go get one by making me feel like I’m dating for the team – not just for me. My dating support network has expanded to the point that it takes me days to update everyone following a date. My friends have encouraged me; actively helped me by reluctantly accompanying me downtown, pointing out guys when I’m not paying attention, and referring friends; laughed at my stories; proofread my texts; and dished out so much advice that they’ve earned unofficial credentials as dating coaches. Oh, and now that it is V-Day and I’m still boyfriendless, I have wonderful people to spend the evening with. Having the support of friends has made all the difference in my enjoyment of the dating process. No one should have to date alone. That sea that is supposedly full of fish has choppy waters. Your friends are your lifelines.

          Given my evolved perspective on goals, I consider my boyfriend search a success thus far, even though it has not yet yielded a boyfriend. I’ve learned more specifics about what I’m looking for in a boyfriend, and I don’t want to settle for less than passion twisted with spontaneity and a double shot of financial sense, add everything else I’m looking for. Therefore, my V-Day single status is not a failure, but a testament to the standards I refuse to relinquish for a deadline.

          To the lovely ladies that support me whether I’m boyfriend searching or casually fucking around and the great guys that tell me I’m too cool of a chick to be single, thank you. Thank you for patiently listening to my single girl probs, thank you for biasedly thinking that I’m too good for everyone (I’m not, but I love hearing that!), and thank you for protectively watching out for me. There is an incredible guy out there who will one day charm me into a relationship, and I will find him. I know you’ll be just as happy as I will be when my dating dilemmas are replaced by sickeningly cute stories about my wonderful boyfriend. Stay tuned, friends!

          Oh, and to Prince Charming, recall that when I set Valentine’s Day as my deadline to find you, I promised to plan it. Since you aren’t here yet, you should know what we’re missing: chocolate body paint. Yeah, I’m a hot future girlfriend. I’m aware.

Happiness Tip: Publicize your goals.

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