Dating? Make Sure Everybody Knows It!

Jan 30, 2014 by

          Ironically, just after deciding to take it easy on the boyfriend search, I had a date last night. Friends, boy break or not, when a non-online dating opportunity arises, you say yes. Remember, I am still open to dates that come my way; I’m just temporarily forgoing the quest for them. I’m currently more concerned with successfully managing the loss of my best friend than playing relationship pursuit. Like I said, if dates happen to happen, great! If not, I’ll continue to seek them out once I’m emotionally good to go. (Yes, I’m aware that Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend deadline, is little more than two weeks away. That’s okay. Pausing my search this close to V-Day has no bearing on the ultimate status of my goal. Relinquishing effort now will not be the reason I’m single on Valentine’s Day. Realistically, even if I were to meet Prince Charming right now, there is no way that I would get to know him enough to like him in order to commit to him in just 15 days.)

          Now, do not for one minute believe that this date came to me by chance, because I stopped looking. Far too many people try to tell me that I’ll find my guy once I stop searching for him. If that was the magic solution, I would have found him long ago, sometime amidst the dateless years that characterized most of my teens and early twenties. Let me tell you what really happens to people who don’t go after what they want: they don’t get it. Yeah, I know some people think they got lucky or attest to meeting their husbands/wives when they least expected it. Firstly, I’m willing to bet that they did not land love by chance, as they may think. Whether they realize it or not, they likely put themselves in situations that enabled them to successfully initiate contact with their future significant others. This could have been done through a variety of unconscious ways, such as appearing approachable through open body language, acting sociably, or visiting places that encourage guy-girl interaction (bars, clubs, etc – P.S. If anyone can tell me what constitutes “etc” in this context, I’d greatly appreciate it). Secondly, of course they didn’t expect to meet their significant others when they did! Who the fuck leaves their house actually expecting to meet the love of their life, ever? Never mind expecting it to happen on the day that it really does.

          Friends, I’m not leaving my love life to chance. Once I’m done dealing with my friend breakup, I’ll be hitting the crappy, overly coffee-laden dating scene again. My love life will not depend on that bullshit that romantic comedies sell. What’s it called? What’s it called? (Insert fake contemplation here.) Oh, right: fate. If I were to wait for whatever is supposedly meant to be to be, I might as well cut off my ring finger. People who wait to be found remain unfound.

          So, no, this date was absolutely not random. It happened by consequence of a series of my own actions, going back to the weekend I spent in NYC at the end of November. I previously wrote about the philosophical hour I spent in a Brooklyn bar while waiting for a table at Lucali that Saturday. Across the street from that bar was an Italian bakery (I had a pre-pizza cannolo craving) that shared the same name as a friend I hadn’t seen in over five years. (Actually, the bakery had his last name, which I’ve always called him by, because that’s how I was introduced to him.)

          I needed to Facebook him! After over half an hour of driving myself nuts trying and failing to find him on Facebook the next day, I actually began to wonder if I had forgotten his first name. It was quite possible, given that I never used it. Yielding no results, I gave up on my fab idea to reconnect with my past friend until a few days later, when I was texting someone else and it hit me: phone communication! (You know social media has taken over the world when, not only do you check Facebook to find someone before trying his phone number, but it takes you days to even think of your cell phone as a contact tool.) I checked my contact list for his name. It was still there! Doubtful that he still had the same number, since it had been half a decade, I tried texting him anyway.

          It was him! (He doesn’t have Facebook anymore, by the way. Phew! I do know my friend’s first name.) A few weeks later, we were having coffee like no time had passed (spoiler alert: I’m about to happiness-tip this), minus the facts that he just ended a three-year relationship (weird!) that I needed updating on and is now a financial advisor (friend score!). For his financial advice, he got girl talk. (Not the fairest of trades, I admit. Dear all guys that patiently listen to my dating woes, thank you!) When I told him of my boyfriend search, I suggested that he hook me up with any single guys he knows that I may like, as I tell everyone. He said that he actually had a friend to set me up with. The thought was sweet, but I doubted he’d actually connect me to his friend. Other people have said this to me only to never follow through. #annoying.

          This friend was legit. His friend reached out to me this week. I was so excited! Not because I had a date (I am so over being excited about dates), but because I’m so glad to have reconnected with a dependable friend that’s looking out for my interests.

          I texted him before even answering his friend, “Got a text from [your friend]. Thanks for coming through for me, babe! You’re the best.”

          “Lol, I told you I wouldn’t let you down! ; ) What did [he] say? Do I gotta kill him?!” he responded, making me smile. I love when my friends get protective of me. It makes me feel loved.

          The moral of the story: An active dating life requires one to take action. This date occurred because I reached out to an old friend (who is just as sweet toward me now as he was when we were teens), and I encouraged that friend to set me up. It was not an opportunity that simply fell into my lap because I stopped looking. The timing was merely coincidental; it was not evidence of fortune, chance, or whatever else fatalists would use to explain it. I made this date happen.

          Oh yeah, the date. I guess you’d like to know how that went. It was coffee. You know how I feel about coffee. He’s interested in a second date; I’m not. (What else is new?) He was definitely a nice guy and having a mutual friend helped kickoff fluid conversation: How long have you known him? How did you guys meet? Etc. I’m just not attracted to him. Notably, he texted me this tonight: “Hey, I heard Kings of Leon’s Supersoaker while driving home from school. I didn’t dance to it though, like somebody else I know. Lol.” Cute. He remembered my song. I’m still not interested in dating him, but I appreciated his thoughtfulness and found the text worth mentioning because it demonstrated interest. Take note, peeps! A text like that stands out from the usual, “Hey, how was your day?” My day was one hundred percent more exciting than your question, boys!

Happiness Tip: Contact an old friend.

 
Previous: Pulling Out of the Pursuit Next: Splash Works
 

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