Still Wanted: Adventure

Jan 24, 2014 by

          Oh boy, did I ever get lectured by my friends for supposedly giving up on the last guy I went out with too soon:

 
          “You want adventure! He’s adventurous!” one defended him.

          “How often is a guy going to take you rock climbing? You want a guy that you have fun doing nothing with? Lots of guys do nothing, but they aren’t fun,” another chided.

          “You wanted creativity. A guy takes you trampolining, and now you want to do nothing. If he took you for coffee, you’d be complaining that he was just another coffee date,” a third friend gave her two cents.

 
          Okay, friends, okay! I can see how my last post about wanting adventure while also wanting a guy I can have fun doing nothing with may have seemed contradictory. Let me explain. Although I knocked trampolining for not being a good second date activity due to too few opportunities for conversation, I am glad that this guy suggested it. It shows that he’s open to variety, and I want a guy who is down for different; I want a guy who will go on adventures with me. Therefore, let me be clear that I did not rule this guy out because we went trampolining. I would not dispose of a guy for proposing a unique date idea. Quite the opposite, his creativity helped his case. Unfortunately, it couldn’t save him. I ruled him out because trampolining was the only entertaining aspect of our second date; the guy himself didn’t interest me at all. As much as I like fun date activities, it is more important to me that the guy is fun. When I said that I want a guy I can have fun doing nothing with, I did not mean that I literally want to do nothing. (Dear dating gods, don’t get all be-careful-what-you-wish-for on my ass by sending more typical coffee/dinner dates my way. [A coffee invite is on its way, isn’t it? Ugh, I can feel it.] I was by no means wishing for these! My only criticism of trampolining was that it would have been better for a later date. That’s all. Please don’t punish me. I’m dating. That’s punishment enough.) I meant that I want a guy who doesn’t need rocks or trampolines to make a date a good one, but wants to share these experiences with me regardless. I want a guy whose personality would attract me whether we went for coffee or did something different, but who opts for different.

          To illustrate what I mean by someone I can have fun doing nothing with, let me tell you about one of my most memorable nights out with a guy. It was – I hate to admit it – a coffee thing. I was 19. Both the guy and I were fun, so the night was fun – no harnesses required. It was simple, but noteworthy because we ended up dancing around a parking lot to music blasting from his car. We basically turned the pavement into our own private club. #youngresourcefulness. This is probably what attracted the cops that later booked us for making out in his backseat. They thought the steamed windows were evidence of hotboxing. (No weed here, officers. Just a little PDA – now that you’ve arrived. Move along.) As I’ve said, I’m a sucker for simple but different. This guy and I enjoyed the night because we enjoyed each other. The ability to make fun from nothing demonstrates personality.

          Meanwhile, creativity demonstrates interest. This is precisely the difference between the guys that want to take me on adventures and the ones that want to take me for coffee: their interest level. The guy that recently took me rock climbing had texted me by the time I got home that night to tell me that he had a good time, and it was only a few days before he asked me out trampolining. That guy from that parking lot disappeared until a chance encounter by a bar in a club four years later. I got wrapped up in his backseat – again. It was amazing – again. We failed to acknowledge potential – again. The lesson here? I need a mix: a guy with enough character to deliver excitement without the need for special equipment, who also has enough interest in me to want to go on adventures together anyway.

          In the end, the best advice that I got in regard to my pickiness was this: “You need three guys, missy: one to go on adventures with, one you can talk to, and one for sex.”

          Agreed!

 
Previous: Wanted: Adventure Next: The Honeymoon Comes to an Abrupt Halt
 

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