Dec 31, 2013 by

          At the end of November, I gave myself a deadline of today to make a decision about whether or not to give mine and Olivia’s landlords notice of vacancy (because New Year’s Eve isn’t stressful enough). At the time, it had only been two weeks since I had told Olivia that I may not want to live together anymore. It felt hasty to make such an important decision so quickly, so I let her know that I’d decide by December 31, based on our interactions over the month. I needed time to evaluate our situation in order to ensure that I wouldn’t regret my choice.

          I woke up this morning, on the last day of the year, no closer to a decision than I was one month ago. Olivia and I didn’t communicate much over December. Other than knowing that she wants to continue living together while I’m more inclined to move on, we have minimal insight into each other’s thoughts surrounding our friendship. I could take more time to weigh my options, but I’d be procrastinating. Allowing my indecisiveness to persist past today would automatically force me to stay in my unhappy living situation until the end of March, whereas sending the notice letter now would get me out by the end of February. (We’re required to adhere to a notice period of two months.) Thus, putting off my decision is a decision itself: a choice to stay where I am for an additional month at minimum. The idea of two more months with Olivia is overwhelming. Three months together – a quarter of a year – is potentially suffocating. The tension in our apartment consumes all traces of oxygen. I can’t breathe.

          As daunting as three possibly miserable months seem, I’ve decided not to give notice today. Considering how sad I am at the prospect of not spending New Year’s Eve with Olivia, I don’t think I’m prepared to solidify our separation just yet. If I’m disappointed at the thought of not counting down to midnight with her tonight, how the fuck do I plan on dealing with not seeing her at all as of March 1? Evidently, I’m not ready to part ways. In light of this, Olivia and I have committed to spending the next 31 days actively working to improve the state of our relationship by communicating daily (welcome back to our friendship, words!) and regularly spending time together. We figure that an eight-year friendship deserves one month of dedicated effort before I take a final stance on whether or not to quit it. Because I hashtag life, our attempt to salvage our connection over the next month will be appropriately referred to as #31daysoffriendship. Excited? Of course you are! Hashtags make everything fun! (#beexcited!)

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