Good Girls Have Not Become Unicorns

Nov 14, 2013 by

          I wasn’t going to write about this. I wasn’t going to write about how confident engaging in casual sex has made me feel. The guy discussed in this post knows about my blog, and we haven’t talked about what we’re doing. We’re just doing without analysis, and I like it that way. We talk, of course, but never about our intentions. We keep it light, while assuming that we’re looking for the same thing – at least, that’s what I’m assuming. After three encounters in two months, it seems to me that he and I have come to a clear unspoken arrangement: sporadic late nights of wine, conversation, and well . . . Between our breathless evenings, we don’t contact each other unless it’s to arrange the next time or to debate important matters leading up to it, such as: white lace or black? We have a pretty good deal going, and there’s no need to ruin it with questions that neither of us appears to want to give or receive the answers to. Thus, other than good fun, there’s no agenda to be discussed. Still, I feel as though I’m being unfair to give you insight into my thoughts about someone that hasn’t been given the courtesy of getting it first (not that I have anything bad to say). – Ugh, fine! Primarily, I wasn’t going to write about this because I don’t want to boost his ego. He could read every word that I’m punching into my keyboard right now. (Thankfully, he probably won’t, but the point is that it’s a possibility.) I don’t willingly let someone else have the upper hand on my personal life. Potentially giving a guy that I booty call reason to get cocky about the way my nights with him have made me feel puts me in a slightly vulnerable position, especially because I have nothing on him. (Maybe I should have extended my rule of not telling guys I date about The Happiness Experiment to the guy that I’m casually fucking. Oh well, too late now.) However, at the risk of my pride, I’ve decided to move forward with this post. There are women out there who need it.

          Last Friday, my friend told me about an Elite Daily article that’s currently circulating Facebook titled, Why Good Girls Have Become Unicorns. It argues the absurd idea that good girls, as per the author’s narrow-minded definition of good, have become a societal rarity. I beg to fucking differ. When the hell did society revert back to the belief that to be good is to go without sex? And why the fuck are some women littering their Facebook walls with the link to this crap? To the ladies who agree with this article, please realize that we should not be judged for enjoying sex as much as guys. We have the right to do with our bodies as we please and emerge with confidence. To the guys who agree with this article, for every girl that you’ve fucked and called a slut, remember to call yourself a whore. It takes two. To my future boyfriend, be grateful that, by the time I get to you, I won’t be completely inexperienced. You’re welcome, babe.

          Though I spent this past summer focussing on presenting myself as girlfriend material, which included a restrictive rule of not going past one kiss on first dates (a rule that three guys made disappointingly easy to follow, giving me no desire to so much as lean in), I have never thought that engaging in casual sex qualifies a girl as non-girlfriend material. Be that as it may, I know that there are guys out there that do think this way; so, this past summer, I decided to act in accordance with popular opinion. However, since becoming bored with dating and bored with the girlfriend-material mold that I was trying to fit, my approach has changed. I’ve realized that what qualifies a girl as relationship potential is subjective; therefore, I don’t need to be society’s celibate vision of girlfriend material to attract a guy. I’m not a conservative girl. I’m vocal about my unconventional opinions, and I live to challenge everything that society says I should be or do. I want a boyfriend who will accept that; not a guy for whom girlfriend material is the equivalent of virgin. Just as girlfriend material qualities are subject to opinion, so are boyfriend material qualities. I’ve come to realize that any guy who thinks I’m not girlfriend material because I’ve had sex or – God forbid – fucked him on the first date (I haven’t done this before, but I’m no longer opposed) or fucked him without providing enough entertainment by way of a chase (Some of you guys complain that girls play games, but you really like that chase, huh? Please Google the word irony, and re-evaluate your expectations.) does not fulfill my definition of boyfriend material. (I think I’m having an epiphany.) For this reason, I’m done conforming to the majority view of what comprises girlfriend material. (I believe this means that I can finally wear the short skirts that I’ve boycotted. I insincerely apologize if I’m victimizing any guys who can’t control their impulses at the sight of my legs.) Really, I was done with it that day in early September when, in search of a spontaneous night, I initiated contact with the guy from Niagara.

          Made to feel like a whore by the last guy I went the fuck-only route with at 19, I was understandably worried that a walk and wine with the guy from Niagara would lead to guilt and self-doubt. Assuring myself that having sex did not mean that I wasn’t girlfriend material, I decided to let myself go, as per Happiness Tip #1. I’m happy that I did. By 23, I’ve developed standards that I didn’t have in place as a teenager. I know what I’m looking for, and I refuse to settle for less. While not expecting a guy that I’m just having sex with to be my Prince Charming or to meet all of my boyfriend standards, I will not take my clothes off for anybody. I expect respect. I expect passion (because what the fuck is sex without fingers through my hair and lips trailing my neck?). And, guys, I expect foreplay (I believe all female readers would agree). He exceeded my expectations by also delivering charm and intelligent conversation. Although I know the purpose behind these things is to keep me coming (I wish!), his compliments are sweet and our pre- and post-sex talks are playful. I leave him feeling confident. Not just because of the flattering things he says to me, but because I’ve been able to have sex for the enjoyment of sex and come out on top (I’m killing it with these unintentional puns!). I hope he leaves me feeling just as sexy.

          Friends, I’m not saying that casual sex is for everybody. I’m not saying that guys and girls should start fucking without meaning because I am. I’m not even saying that you should agree with my perspective. Rather, I’m encouraging you to be open-minded. I’m begging you to have your own opinion. I’m urging you to think critically about what you read, what people say, and what society preaches. Be independent, progressive thinkers. Be past stoning girls and praising guys for their active sex lives. Be done with double standards. Be happy that other people are happy, whether it is sex or abstinence that makes them so. Most importantly, be respectful of each other’s choices. Stop judging. Stop name-calling. Stop complying with ridiculous metaphors comparing good girls to mythical creatures. Good girls have not become unicorns; they have become self-assured. They are bold enough to have sex and still view themselves as secure, intelligent women. Ladies (and gentlemen), if sex makes you feel good, do it. If not, don’t. Regardless, be sure the choice is yours, and be confident in that choice. Inside or outside of the bedroom, confidence is unbelievably sexy.

Happiness Tip: Spread your legs if you so choose.

 
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