Boyfriend Standards

May 22, 2013 by

          I want a boyfriend. I’m admitting it to myself and the world (a.k.a. anyone who reads this). Before my happiness experiment, I had accepted my loneliness, my pitiful social life, and my inevitable fate of being single forever. I had convinced myself that a relationship was impossible for me. I had forced myself to get over the idea of ever having a boyfriend, as to not be disappointed or surprised when I one day end up a spinster. This mindset is no longer acceptable. A boyfriend is a possibility in my life if I try to find one.

          People have questioned me on why I don’t have a boyfriend. It’s annoying. How am I supposed to respond to that? Do I save face by saying that I don’t want one? Do I kill whatever pride I have left after the question is asked, telling people that I want one but can’t get one? A quick lesson in tact: don’t ask single ladies why they don’t have boyfriends. We have to scramble for an answer that will satisfy the asker without prompting further questions. We have to spend days afterward repeatedly asking ourselves the very same thing, now that it’s been brought up. Then, we have to listen to our friends and Google search results assure us that we don’t need boyfriends, even though we know that and we just want them, goddamn it! It’s not fun. Please, spare us our dignity.

          Having thought about this recently, I was reminded of something one of my friends said to me last summer. We were taking about his brother, who had recently proposed to his girlfriend. His brother is not much older than we are, so I was made uncomfortably aware of my singleness in that moment. It didn’t help matters that my cousin, only three years older than I am, had just gotten married a few weeks before. I had also just heard that my old roommate was recently engaged (at 23!). Adding to the insanity, my friend informed me that a girl we went to high school with was married at 21 and just had her first kid! Panic set in.

          “Married at 21 with a kid at 22? Doesn’t she want to do things with her life first, like travel or live it? I am not even close to getting married!” I exclaimed.

          “Me neither!” he said. “But Tree, that’s what those people chose, just like I chose school and you chose work.”

          At the time, I shrugged off that comment. Why would I choose to be single? I didn’t choose this, I remember thinking; I’m stuck with it. The thought of his words still make me cringe, because he was right. I did choose to be single, just as I now know that I previously chose not to have a social life. I put in four years at a company that I absolutely hated and resented for consuming all of my time, putting my job before everything, including my love life (or lack thereof). I guess I finally have an answer to that dreaded boyfriend question.

          It’s time to address the issue. My happiness experiment has helped me get my priorities straight, allowing me to temporarily put my career on the backburner in search of a multifaceted life, with my main concerns being friends and now a boyfriend. With a promising start in the friends department, I want to begin prioritizing dating as well.

          This one’s going to be a challenge for me. Although I’ve been on dates, I’ve never seriously dated before. I’m not too sure how to go about it. I’ve decided to start small by letting it be known that I want a boyfriend. I’ve never done this in my entire life. I always thought telling people that I’m looking for a boyfriend makes me look desperate, because I want one but don’t have one. Loosing care for what other people think of me faster than I expected to upon starting my happiness experiment, I’m going for it. The people I’ve told so far don’t seem to be taking me seriously, but at least I’m putting it out there.

          On that note, my lovely readers, I am also asking you to hook me up! If you know any guys in the Toronto area who would appreciate a pretty cool chick on a quest for happiness, let me know! I’m 100 percent serious! Kindly email pictures and a brief description of amazing single guys to Please continue reading for insight into the kind of guys I want to date. If a single guy you know comes to mind, send him my way! To follow are my boyfriend standards.

          Someone once told me to have standards and to hold other people to them. As simple as that sounds, it has had a profound impact on the type of people that I let into my life. Here’s what I’m looking for in a boyfriend:

  • I’m attracted to guys who are funny, confident, social, outgoing, and genuinely charming.
  • I want someone who likes to travel! (Apparently, there are people out there who do not. I am just as shocked as I hope you are.)
  • I’m comfortable dating guys between the ages of 24 and 28. (Update [November 27, 2013]: As I age, so must my boyfriend standards. Now that I am 24, I am looking for guys between the ages of 25 and 29. Refer your friends!)
  • I want a guy who follows through on what he says. For example, if he says we’ll go out on the weekend, we do go out on the weekend. His actions need to match his words.
  • I am only interested in dating guys that are currently looking for a relationship. I am not open to friends with benefits arrangements. Of course, I am open to platonic friendships with good guys that the dating thing doesn’t work out with.
  • My physical preferences are dark hair, an olive or tan skin tone, and a toned/athletic body type. I would date people who don’t fit this description, but this is typically what I’m attracted to.

          I’ll keep you posted on the steps I take toward project get-myself-a-boyfriend once I figure out what they are. Thanks for your support, friends!

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